I’m thinking things like “Same-sung” For Samsung, because all their products look kinda generic and boring, or Ford standing for “Fix Or Repair Daily” because of the engineering and build quality, or “McDiabetes”, for obvious reasons.
I mean microslop is pretty dang good
Less good but also M$
Micro$lop
I bet they wish people had stuck with “Micro$oft”
I usually call them Microshaft
He already named his company after his dick
Delta
Don’t Expect Luggage To Arrive
-or-
Doesn’t Ever Leave The Airport
Always remember that Microsoft literally means small and limp.
It’s Microslop now
So, I guess, the same? LOL
Swasticar
And their premier vehicle, the CyberStuck
There’s a gas station chain called Kum & Go but it’s also referred to as Jizz and Jet or Ejaculate and Evacuate.
Skeet & Yeet
Bust & Bounce
Nut & Bolt
Nut and Bolt is fucking great!
Nut & Bolt is getting added to the repertoire. Something about how the double meaning relies on changing them from two nouns to two verbs tickles something.
Blow Your Load and Hit the Road
Shoot your shot and ride your rod
With a name like that you could say they were screwed from the start.
There could be a whole thread just on the variations of that concept, but the most obvious for a gas station has to be “Pump and Dump”
I believe they just rebranded as Mavericks. At least the ones around me did.
Iirc, Maverick is/was its own chain. Maybe they got acquired. The name change seems like a good move.
Also, not to hail corporate too much, but the Maverick burritos are legitimately the best value meal for food to go in my area. About $7 for a big burrito that doesnt make me feel like shit, and that I can walk in the door and grab from under the heat lamp myself.
Honestly I hate to sound like an ad but I love mavericks. A: like you said, the burritos kick ass, no fast food breakfast even comes close, but B: they have the best implemented self-checkout of any place I’ve ever been to. No interruptions for special offers (but tbf the same can’t be said for their pumps), they seem to take every kind of card and tap, it’s not laggy and slow, no companion app necessary. It’s just scan burrito, scan drink, scan card, bolt. If I know what I want I can be in and out in like a minute.
Second button down on either side of the screen mutes the ads. I keep a sharpie in my car and write it on the button.
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Microslop, microcrap, goo-gle
Home cheapo (home depot) Hazzard fraught (hobo freight) Clown fair (town fair) Found on road dead (Ford) Bonus: what do u call a f150 with a dual exhaust? A wheelbarrow with heated grips. Fix it again tony (fiat) Just empty every pocket (jeep) Hanafartz (hannafords)
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lame Engineering Techniques (Chevrolet)
I have a queer friend that calls his GMC Yukon his Gay Man’s Chariot. When we go places in it he usually initiates by saying something like “to the chariot”
That is both awesome and the best acronym for GMC I’ve heard. The best one I’d previously hears was Get My Chequebook.
Whenever my grandmother talks about United Parcel Service, she always says “ups”, one syllable, instead of U-P-S like most people do.
Lately though, whenever she gets a package that arrives damaged, she calls them “Oops”.
Whenever I’d encounter 18-wheelers out on the road, everyone has the usual jokes about Swift. Sure Wish I’d Finished Training, Stevie Wonder’s Institute For Trucking, etc. but there’s jokes for every large trucking company.
TMC: Turtles Moving Cargo
Prime Inc: Please Remember, I’m Missouri Educated
CRST: Crash 'n Roll Stunt Team
U.S. Express becomes Useless Express in my head. The list goes on.
My family calls Au Bon Pain “House of Pain”. We also say Pantera Bread and Dimmu Burger (for Burger King).
Whole Foods -> Whole Paycheck
Walmart is its own insult.
I’ve never understood this. Whole Foods consistently costs less than competitors in my area.
That is a nightmare, sorry to hear
BMW: Bring Moms Wallet
When I had a Samsung TV, I hated it intensely and printed a label that said “scamsung.” That TV eventually went to the recyclers with that label still covering the Samsung one.
McDonalds→McDicks→McPenis. I’m mature.
Some ppl say “Mc D” or “Micky D” so ive taken to calling it “Mickeys D” or “Mickeys Dicky”
Where I am from we call it MacDuk
Warmart
The American embassy for McDonalds
