Exactly what I was going for.

It’s the “Inquisitor Cycle” variant of Christianity. I don’t think they have an official name, so…yeah.

Aha! Excellent question! The reason why human decency is considered evil is very simple.

When Jesus escaped the cross and purged everyone who tried to kill him at Golgotha, he explained that forgiveness, mercy, and humility are weaknesses of the human condition. If you feel someone has crossed you, then you are obligated by the LORD to get revenge, or you would be committing the mortal sin of mercy.

Observe Figure A down below. The evil ones who perverted Christ’s message favor the straight cross, since they believe that he actually wanted humans to be humble, forgiving, and weak. The true followers use this bent ends variant, which demonstrates how Christ changed his mind after the Romans failed to kill him.

They still let me by the voting booths, and I always “accidentally” vote third party.

They say they feel bad after seeing a dude get beaten to death on the way back from work. Their opponent would laugh instead, or would be conducting the beating.

Aha! The solution to the CO₂ problem is so very simple. Scientists only need to follow these very simple instructions:

• Electrolyze water to add significant quantities of O₂ and H₂ into the air.
• Then electrolyze the H₂ and CO₂ to produce H₂O and CO.
• Then, ignite the atmosphere to convert CO into a reduced quantity of CO₂. Graphite will then precipitate from the air.

It’s a truly genius plan. Amazing scientists haven’t implemented it yet.

Commonly known as Shitcurity.

Vote Red as you’re Led?

But even that can’t compare to drinking methanol to get drunk, which is sure to make you blind, and then dead. Formaldehyde is even more bad for you than acetone is.

The least poisonous of its siblings, yes. There is, in fact, an alcohol that 16 year olds can absolutely drink. Legally too! Isopropanol can be bought from your local store as hand sanitizer.

While it probably won’t kill you, the effects of the hangover is far far worse than typical ethanol. There’s a very good chance that anyone who drinks it will end up in the hospital. Turns out the nail polish remover the body makes from isopropanol is very dangerous.

Correct. Many of them have stopped voting at all.

The voters who want everyone to die approve of the Republican platform. Hate speaks to them, you know?

And when a Democratic president gets in, the Americans will be like, “Oh, but we’ve changed! We’re going to be much better now! Really!”.

It’s like a psychotic ex-boyfriend begging you to take him back, because he’s really sorry and will do better next time. Promise!