I’m beginning to accept that I may never be in a relationship again. There are life expectations I have for myself, some admittedly selfish, but really, the idea of having to deal with another grownup who is as obstinate as I am has left me disillusioned about relationships. But I want to have kids. I want to be a father. For women, its fairy easy, go to a sperm bank, pick your choice, get the procedure done and you are on your way. What is the process for dudes? I believe its going to involve a surrogate, but where does one get a donor egg and what not? I am not looking to have a relationship with an egg donor or the surrogate, just me and the kids.
Some places have fostering with intent to adopt which is way cheaper than surrogacy, but more emotionally fraught (both depending on the kids situation/state of mind, and the risk/chance that they are reunited with their own family before adoption goes through).
If you want actual, specific, resources you probably need to specify where you live.
It’s probably not easy or cheap, but my assumption is that any dude who wants to be a parent enough to do it solo have probably thought it through well, and it sounds like you’ve had some experience and will likely be an involved parent so I’m rooting for you.
Make sure you read to them every single night before bed (even when they’re old enough to read themselves), and eat dinner together every day with no screens allowed, and give lots of hugs and kisses and 'I love you’s even when they’ve been bad, and you’ll do great.
Thanks. I hope to do this in California if my plans come to fruition. Raising these kids, yeah, I’ve learnt a lot about them, and myself. I’m terribly far from being perfect with them, but as you mentioned, reading to them, loving them and eating with them happens pretty often and works. Once they feel safe, are well fed and nurtured, and entertained, they are pretty cool kids.
I have been thinking about this for two years, but I was pretty scared to go beyond thinking because in my own society, there is social stigma around this. But I’m done with all that. I will be judged for being single, I will be judged for being a single father, I will be judged for being a divorced father, I will always be judged. I’m over that. I just want my life, and a family, and if this is how it happens, so be it.