We met on the dating app, and our 1st two dates were amazing. He even said he’s impressed by how naturally we clicked and conversation flows. I felt this magnetic pull and wondered if it might be what I hear about when it comes to the real thing. It felt different, and I was so excited for our potential future together. I’m very attracted and couldn’t stop thinking about him. I felt seen and heard.
For context, I’ve had a rigorous career-focused few years, and vacations were overdue. I really needed to take more time to myself for my overall well-being and health before my next role starts, so I recently booked two trips: a long one with family and then a short solo one with two weeks at home in between. During those weeks, I met up with this guy in person after we messaged back and forth for about a week leading up to my long trip a couple months ago.
Our chemistry and banter is great, and I thought we had a strong connection, but I feel like I’m being faulted for things I didn’t technically do wrong and it seems to be a pattern. He followed up prematurely during my long trip after I made sure to give a heads-up that I would be unplugging (I replied as soon as I could and didn’t apologize for the delay or think of him as crossing my boundary at the time, just glad he followed up and showed interest). Then he arrived 15 minutes early to our 2nd date and I was apologetic saying I may arrive 5 minutes after the reservation time due to traffic after an important professional meeting but I’ll be there ASAP; I ultimately arrived right on time but he later half-jokingly said that I arrived late, to which I half-jokingly said I was on time per the original plan. He also complained about parts of the venue (I initiated/planned this date). He did hold my hand and kiss me but it was all tongue which threw me off (I thought maybe that’s just him wanting to be warm so I didn’t flag it right away). I was relieved he didn’t try to be physical on our first date as I’m tired of guys trying to get me to be casual with them. We briefly mentioned our intentions, and he said he wouldn’t continue with someone if he didn’t see the long-term potential.
Our date wrapped up with me saying I was going to unplug during my upcoming solo trip but I would text him as soon as I was back and he said “we can plan something”. That same night, he did initiate the goodnight text and liked my first text but ignored the second one saying enjoy the event he asked me to attend with him but I said early on I may be traveling during that time which turned out to be true. I tried not to read into it because it’s still early in our interactions and maybe he went with another girl or felt a bit bruised that I couldn’t drop everything - even though it’s just that I meant what I said.
As promised, I warmly texted him as soon as I could after my trip before realizing he had unmatched me. I was shocked to see that. My phone got water damage while traveling but I highly doubt that erased only him from my app. I’m also unsure if I possibly missed a text from him in the few days between losing my phone and getting a new one, but most likely not. Either way, his tone is colder now and he said we “could possibly” plan something once he’s done packing for his upcoming move, but it doesn’t sound reassuring and he literally said “will do” aka it fizzles out and he’s hoping we don’t need to have the clarification talk.
Please help me out, friends! I would really appreciate any help or advice. What exactly made him change his mind? What should I do or say to him? Did I do anything wrong? I don’t want to be made to feel guilty/ashamed of the time I needed to take off, and I thought it was the right thing to start the conversations earlier versus wait. Should I ask for a call if he doesn’t follow up for a 3rd date? Should I keep trying with him even if I have to “chase” a bit since my schedule has been a bit unpredictable and abnormal?
He’s moving on. Maybe he didn’t trust you and thought that you were dating others during that time. It doesn’t really matter. He might come back if things fizzle out. You should move on and keep dating too. If you end up being each other’s priority in the long term, cool. Otherwise, just keep on moving. You barely know each other. Sorry it didn’t work out. Hope you enjoyed your solo time!
I did, thank you! I appreciate it. This is exhausting. I don’t understand why so many guys are just out to take advantage or bounce without even so much as a text. I can take it and would rather he be clear than give me breadcrumbs.
As a guy who has been in this position (like I almost made a post that would’ve rhymed with this one a couple months back) I feel like the issue is endemic to the dating apps as a whole. All of these apps, no matter how they try to present themselves, are a numbers game. They only really work well if you’re talking to a bunch of people.
In my experience this encourages people to take a “low stakes and ready to bail” kind of approach to dating where people will break off a budding relationship before it gets too serious for any perceived shortcoming from the other person. Which inevitably leads to them back to the app and starts the cycle over again.
It’s incredibly frustrating and exhausting. I’m sorry that it didn’t work out how you hoped. As someone who also has a busy schedule it can be really depressing to have someone you were interested in and trying to work with to date just fizzle away on you. Here’s hoping you have better luck in the future!
Yeah dating is rough especially when you’re busy. Some people don’t feel comfortable telling somebody they’re not interested anymore, or they’re dating somebody else and don’t want to completely end it with you. If you can start dating multiple people, as exhausting as that is, you’ll feel much less concerned if/when this happens again.
At the end of the day, any number of reasons why he’s acting the way he is. I hope you find somebody who is so into you, takes things slow and isn’t dating around while dating you.
This helps a lot, thank you so much! I hope I can find closure from within instead of having to ask them even while I’m trying this dating multiple people approach for the first time