You! Yes, you, the one reading this. I know you are Jack Smith’s body double, and you went to the game Smith was allegedly at so he could engage in all sorts of unspeakables in secret! I saw you do it with my own two eyes! And now that you are exposed for the, uh, Cuban spy you are, reader, the whole world now knows of your treachery.
Oh yes. Jack Smith is under deep, deep cover, working directly for the Cuban government in their diabolical plot to overthrow the United States. The Cubans have a doomsday army - billions strong - hiding underground, ready to conquer the entire country when they get the go ahead. The honorable Republicans must interrogate Jack Smith, a high ranking leader in the Cubans’ secret society, and make him say where the hidden Cuban bases are. Otherwise, they shall conquer the entire United States, and then, the world!
Absolutely. They want you alive for as long as possible using healthcare tech that looks like sci fi, but they will use their mind control devices to make you completely loyal to them.
Ah, but the Cuban Doomsday Army is using Trump is weaken the US for invasion. For you see, Obama and Biden used some truly insidious brainwashing technology on Trump. All the talk of “Biden made the prices go up” is actually what free will Trump has left, trying to fight back against the Cuban Doomsday Army by outing members of their High Command. The war with Iran started after the secret society met in Havana, and Jack Smith personally pressed the brainwashing tech button to make Trump launch the attack.
You! Yes, you, the one reading this. I know you are Jack Smith’s body double, and you went to the game Smith was allegedly at so he could engage in all sorts of unspeakables in secret! I saw you do it with my own two eyes! And now that you are exposed for the, uh, Cuban spy you are, reader, the whole world now knows of your treachery.
“wait… Jack Smith is… Cuban? He doesn’t look particularly Cuban.”
-MagaMorons
Oh yes. Jack Smith is under deep, deep cover, working directly for the Cuban government in their diabolical plot to overthrow the United States. The Cubans have a doomsday army - billions strong - hiding underground, ready to conquer the entire country when they get the go ahead. The honorable Republicans must interrogate Jack Smith, a high ranking leader in the Cubans’ secret society, and make him say where the hidden Cuban bases are. Otherwise, they shall conquer the entire United States, and then, the world!
Don’t give them any ideas, that is an improvement over what they are actually saying to the same effect really. Making shit up as they go.
Okay, but an important detail: will we get free healthcare?
Absolutely. They want you alive for as long as possible using healthcare tech that looks like sci fi, but they will use their mind control devices to make you completely loyal to them.
If that healthcare tech can make my knees not hurt every day, they will have my undying loyalty, too.
It’s the Cubans that have been hoarding all the medbeds for themselves?
one wonders why they’d invade when they can just let Trump do his thing.
Ah, but the Cuban Doomsday Army is using Trump is weaken the US for invasion. For you see, Obama and Biden used some truly insidious brainwashing technology on Trump. All the talk of “Biden made the prices go up” is actually what free will Trump has left, trying to fight back against the Cuban Doomsday Army by outing members of their High Command. The war with Iran started after the secret society met in Havana, and Jack Smith personally pressed the brainwashing tech button to make Trump launch the attack.