When talking to people, just ask open questions about them, listen and keep asking question. People will think, you have great conversation skills, eventhough you do not.
Good advice. I think the trick is to keep the questions open-ended and somehow related. A series of simple factual questions feels like an interrogation.
There’s a great book about this: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It’s a bit dated in some aspects, but the underlying advice is solid.
I can see that, especially because it’s pushed hard in a lot of business schools.
I think the way it’s written gives its reader ALL the social tools and relies on the reader to not be a monster. It was written in the 1930s, which tracks.
What kind of questions can I ask without going too far. I ask around things concerning school and thats where I stop, I usually fear touching something sensitive to them
I’ve stopped asking people about jobs (unless they bring it up) because I hate how we treat people’s place in the capitalist system as their primary worth. My go to question is whether the person is from the area we are currently in. If we’re doing an activity, i ask how they became involved. I also like to ask about pets and hobbies.
People often ask “so what do you do?”. I find this to be a loaded question, it shows where a person’s head is. Most folks respond by talking about their job. I’ll usually answer by asking “for money or for fun?”. If nothing else it gets a chuckle
I don’t have as much time as before, but you can still have hobbies as a parent if you make it a priority. Especially after the first 2-ish years have gone. Getting the kid involved (to the extent possible) helped unlock more time.
If you ask and it’s too sensitive that is much more preferable than not asking, and not covering topics that actually interest you. It just will not lead to any connection ever. Be brave
When talking to people, just ask open questions about them, listen and keep asking question. People will think, you have great conversation skills, eventhough you do not.
Be careful with that one. If you do it wrong it can feel like an interrogation. That line can be hard to find for some people.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING ON THE NIGHT OF SEPTEMBER 7TH, 2023?!?!?
What, come on, I was just trying to make conversation!
Alright! Alright! It was me! I killed him! [uncontrollable sobbing]
Good advice. I think the trick is to keep the questions open-ended and somehow related. A series of simple factual questions feels like an interrogation.
You can also take a beat or two after every other question to see if they want to redirect the conversation, maybe even to a question about you.
Yes, it feels like an interrogation when I do that, because they never ask anything back.
But do not ask questions only. Make remarks about your own experiences, or things you heard (within reason). It’s small talk, not an interrogation.
There’s a great book about this: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It’s a bit dated in some aspects, but the underlying advice is solid.
Not saying you are, but most of the people who have recommended that book to me are absolute sociopaths.
The book should be titled How to Manipulate People Into Doing Your Bidding.
I can see that, especially because it’s pushed hard in a lot of business schools.
I think the way it’s written gives its reader ALL the social tools and relies on the reader to not be a monster. It was written in the 1930s, which tracks.
I really don’t think that’s the book’s fault.
What kind of questions can I ask without going too far. I ask around things concerning school and thats where I stop, I usually fear touching something sensitive to them
I’ve stopped asking people about jobs (unless they bring it up) because I hate how we treat people’s place in the capitalist system as their primary worth. My go to question is whether the person is from the area we are currently in. If we’re doing an activity, i ask how they became involved. I also like to ask about pets and hobbies.
People often ask “so what do you do?”. I find this to be a loaded question, it shows where a person’s head is. Most folks respond by talking about their job. I’ll usually answer by asking “for money or for fun?”. If nothing else it gets a chuckle
i’ve tried asking about hobbies and people just tell me they have children and get angry at me. ain’t my fault you made a trade.
I don’t have as much time as before, but you can still have hobbies as a parent if you make it a priority. Especially after the first 2-ish years have gone. Getting the kid involved (to the extent possible) helped unlock more time.
Whatever they touch on, as long as you also add here and there your own experiences with the topic, so it does not feel like and interview.
If you ask and it’s too sensitive that is much more preferable than not asking, and not covering topics that actually interest you. It just will not lead to any connection ever. Be brave