I’ve noticed that I often struggle to express what I actually mean during discussions.

Sometimes my main point gets lost because I phrase it poorly, use a weak example, or realize later that I misunderstood what the other person was saying. I often leave conversations thinking, “That wasn’t what I was trying to say.” or “I am not being taken serious.”

For those of you who used to have this problem:

How did you get better at expressing your thoughts? Did you practice in a specific way? How do you make sure you’re responding to someone’s actual point instead of what you think they mean? Or is it really just keeping your mouth shut if you aren’t knowledgeable about something.

It has gotten to the point that I find myself just not wanting to jump into the discussion, because I feel like that it’s more about who is right , than understanding and being understood.

I’d love to hear any advice or habits that helped you become a clearer communicator. Book recommendations are also welcome.

Lemmy doens’t have Social Skills community(that i can find) or anything so sorry for posting this in AskLemmy.

Reflections so far:

Be curious. Socratic method; phrase your statements as questions. It helps soften your dialogue quite a bit and makes the conversation a quest for discovery.

Try to formulate things simple. The simpler u can explain something, the better u understand it and the less words to be confused about for both parties.

Rhetorical Triangle: Ethos, Pathos and Logos

Write more. It forces u to think critical about things. And gives u the opportunity to reflect on your own opinions.

Don’t take yourself, or other people too serious.

  • jaycifer@lemmy.world
    7·
    3 days ago

    Here are some thoughts based on past reflections I’ve had (so they might not be phrased the best) in no particular order:

    First, you mentioned sometimes not understanding what is being said. I minored in philosophy during college, and the first and most important thing I was taught during Intro was the principle of charity during discussion, composed of two parts. The first, assume the other person has something worth saying, isn’t super relevant here. But the second part is that questions of meaning come before questions of truth. If you can repeat back what the other person tells you in your own words and have them agree, then you can start forming a rebuttal.

    Speaking of forming things, I believe that the thoughts you express are not your thoughts, but a linguistic representation of your thoughts. When I envision a thought forming, it’s more like a glowing ball of thought and words can be put together to form a kind of shell around the thought. The better the wording, the closer the shell gets to matching the shape of the thought itself. Improving your English toolset will allow you to better shape your words to match your thoughts more quickly and easily. The primary way to do this is to expand your vocabulary/lexicon/internal thesaurus and ability to connect words together, and the primary method to accomplish that is to expose yourself to new words in new orders, and you do that by reading new stuff.

    All that is just the prep work. In an actual conversation you don’t have the luxury of reading a bunch right now. My advice there is that, if the other people are cool, be upfront that you are still formulating your thoughts into words and ask for help in finding the right ones if your struggling. Doing so will leave less space in the minds of others to assume anything else, likely leading to not just more patience from them but possibly help for you as well.

    I think the process of forming thoughts into words is one of the most fascinating things there is. The times when I have observed myself pulling an original thought out of the ether of my mind or better yet being able to help someone else in pulling their thoughts out of their head and into the world are some of the most beautiful moments I have experienced. I wish you well in working on your ability to find those moments!

    • AmanitaCaesarea@slrpnk.netOP
      3·
      3 days ago

      but a linguistic representation of your thoughts. When I envision a thought forming, it’s more like a glowing ball of thought and words can be put together to form a kind of shell around the thought.

      Exactly! What a play of words. I often find that core of my idea is decent. But the shell is often lacking, too far away from the core. As you also mentioned, taking your time is a forgotten skill. When we are in an engaging, or charged, argument we tend to want to speak even faster than normal. Slow down, let others wait. Better to say a well thought-out idea, than an incoherent ramble.