I’ve noticed that I often struggle to express what I actually mean during discussions.
Sometimes my main point gets lost because I phrase it poorly, use a weak example, or realize later that I misunderstood what the other person was saying. I often leave conversations thinking, “That wasn’t what I was trying to say.” or “I am not being taken serious.”
For those of you who used to have this problem:
How did you get better at expressing your thoughts? Did you practice in a specific way? How do you make sure you’re responding to someone’s actual point instead of what you think they mean? Or is it really just keeping your mouth shut if you aren’t knowledgeable about something.
It has gotten to the point that I find myself just not wanting to jump into the discussion, because I feel like that it’s more about who is right , than understanding and being understood.
I’d love to hear any advice or habits that helped you become a clearer communicator. Book recommendations are also welcome.
Lemmy doens’t have Social Skills community(that i can find) or anything so sorry for posting this in AskLemmy.
Reflections so far:
Be curious. Socratic method; phrase your statements as questions. It helps soften your dialogue quite a bit and makes the conversation a quest for discovery.
Try to formulate things simple. The simpler u can explain something, the better u understand it and the less words to be confused about for both parties.
Rhetorical Triangle: Ethos, Pathos and Logos
Write more. It forces u to think critical about things. And gives u the opportunity to reflect on your own opinions.
Don’t take yourself, or other people too serious.
Curiosity helps way more than it should in helping discussions come to clarity. Sometimes you just need to ask really obvious or dumb questions to make sure you have all of the context. And if you want to make sure you’re responding to their point, rephrase their position as simply as you can without making a strawman. You might need to go back and forth a couple of times until you can explain it back to them in a way that you understand.
Once you really grok, then it becomes much easier to express your thoughts and opinions on whatever. If you aren’t knowledgeable about something and it is relevant or key to the discussion, and it can be summarized and grokked on the spot, then simply ask. If you get it wrong, they will tell you. At which point, yeah, do some active listening and try to learn.
Honestly, the only way to really get better at this is to just do it. The more you roll other peoples ideas around in your head and explain them only makes it easier to take your own ideas and explain them. Personally, if I know the discussion topic ahead of time, I generally prepare myself to answer a few different rebuttals, and make sure I’ve identified any weaknesses in my position, assuming it is somewhat adversarial or contentious. That little bit of prep helps with the pre-meeting jitters which can be a distraction in you expressing yourself.
I am pretty good at straw manning. I guess I shouldn’t walk in front of my own steps, and try to communicate more simple.