I’ve noticed that I often struggle to express what I actually mean during discussions.
Sometimes my main point gets lost because I phrase it poorly, use a weak example, or realize later that I misunderstood what the other person was saying. I often leave conversations thinking, “That wasn’t what I was trying to say.” or “I am not being taken serious.”
For those of you who used to have this problem:
How did you get better at expressing your thoughts? Did you practice in a specific way? How do you make sure you’re responding to someone’s actual point instead of what you think they mean? Or is it really just keeping your mouth shut if you aren’t knowledgeable about something.
It has gotten to the point that I find myself just not wanting to jump into the discussion, because I feel like that it’s more about who is right , than understanding and being understood.
I’d love to hear any advice or habits that helped you become a clearer communicator. Book recommendations are also welcome.
Lemmy doens’t have Social Skills community(that i can find) or anything so sorry for posting this in AskLemmy.
Reflections so far:
Be curious. Socratic method; phrase your statements as questions. It helps soften your dialogue quite a bit and makes the conversation a quest for discovery.
Try to formulate things simple. The simpler u can explain something, the better u understand it and the less words to be confused about for both parties.
Rhetorical Triangle: Ethos, Pathos and Logos
Write more. It forces u to think critical about things. And gives u the opportunity to reflect on your own opinions.
Don’t take yourself, or other people too serious.
The only thing that’s really worked has been years of practice. It’s hard to say for sure we started with all the same problems, but struggling with formulating examples is the same.
Doing it in writing on Lemmy has helped a bit. What makes a Lemmy comment go far isn’t necessarily what helps IRL, but the written format alone makes certain things easier. There’s much less time pressure, and if you don’t like a part, you can and do go back and reword it (as in, make it clearer, not change the meaning). You can also go back through the length of a thread, and reread it better than you can remember it.
I mean, yes, that’s always a good idea. Even better, go into listening mode and ask questions. If at some point you reach something you can comment on, which is likely, you can switch back into that, and they’re more likely to listen to you in turn. There seems to be other approaches that work, because there’s some very successful people that never listen to anyone, but that’s mine.
If you directly try to argue about things you aren’t actually qualified to argue about, if that’s really what you mean, people will notice, and you’ll just come across as insecure and unhelpful.
Yeah, but you only learn by actually engaging in the conversation. Only I’ve noticed that I am not very tactful in how I respond. It’s better to be tactful ignorant than just blatant ignorant. Communication really is a skill. If u say something stupid while sounding stupid you will just get roasted lol.
It seems like 80% of people will react positively to an admission you know nothing about X, followed by questions. How TF that other 20% works, who knows (not me, anyway).
So, that’s humility. Tact is it’s own thing, and it seems like it’s basically about not threatening other people, including by speaking out of turn, making demands, or just directly bringing up points where they are weak or sensitive. It’s worth noting that it probably is possible to be too tactful. But, if you’re on a subject that you’re not super confident about, that’s not the time to take risks.
If you actually do say something stupid and in an aggressive way, getting good at apologies, and making it up to people, is the social skill in question. Or just intimidating everyone into letting you get away with it, I guess.
I think that is half the battle. And opinions are quick to offend people lol. If u offend them then they are less likely to listen to you. Sometimes I feel like both me and the other party are right, but just by ruffling their feather u have closed their mind. So good communication is inoffensive.
Well, having a different opinion is threatening! Most wars are fought over something like that.
The monkey part of our brain doesn’t care that it’s just a chat, and not negotiations over our paleolithic hunting territory. It’s still looking for whatever is going to jump out and kill us.