I’ve noticed that I often struggle to express what I actually mean during discussions.
Sometimes my main point gets lost because I phrase it poorly, use a weak example, or realize later that I misunderstood what the other person was saying. I often leave conversations thinking, “That wasn’t what I was trying to say.” or “I am not being taken serious.”
For those of you who used to have this problem:
How did you get better at expressing your thoughts? Did you practice in a specific way? How do you make sure you’re responding to someone’s actual point instead of what you think they mean? Or is it really just keeping your mouth shut if you aren’t knowledgeable about something.
It has gotten to the point that I find myself just not wanting to jump into the discussion, because I feel like that it’s more about who is right , than understanding and being understood.
I’d love to hear any advice or habits that helped you become a clearer communicator. Book recommendations are also welcome.
Lemmy doens’t have Social Skills community(that i can find) or anything so sorry for posting this in AskLemmy.
Reflections so far:
Be curious. Socratic method; phrase your statements as questions. It helps soften your dialogue quite a bit and makes the conversation a quest for discovery.
Try to formulate things simple. The simpler u can explain something, the better u understand it and the less words to be confused about for both parties.
Rhetorical Triangle: Ethos, Pathos and Logos
Write more. It forces u to think critical about things. And gives u the opportunity to reflect on your own opinions.
Don’t take yourself, or other people too serious.
I will warn you that there do exist people who will deliberately misunderstand you because there is someone else that they are arguing with and you just happen to be present, and no clarity of expression will get them to understand you. How you choose to deal with these people is up to you.
The best thing I did to improve my ability to speak persuasively is learn to write quickly. I studied literature, and it was common to take exams where you have to write a short essay in a quick timeframe in response to an excerpt from something you studied during your coursework. I spent a lot of time writing a few paragraphs making a point as quickly as possible, and then read back what I wrote and try to figure out how I could be more persuasive. It bled over into my speech and I still speak in paragraphs.
It certainly wouldn’t hurt to actually write my own views on paper. That would make it more clear to myself, and in turn how I express it irl to others. I guess I don’t spend enough time with my own views, only in social settings when topics are brought up. Which leads to them being formulated weak and not well thought out. Funny how much time is spent on casual things but not on critical thinking…whoops