I’ve noticed that I often struggle to express what I actually mean during discussions.
Sometimes my main point gets lost because I phrase it poorly, use a weak example, or realize later that I misunderstood what the other person was saying. I often leave conversations thinking, “That wasn’t what I was trying to say.” or “I am not being taken serious.”
For those of you who used to have this problem:
How did you get better at expressing your thoughts? Did you practice in a specific way? How do you make sure you’re responding to someone’s actual point instead of what you think they mean? Or is it really just keeping your mouth shut if you aren’t knowledgeable about something.
It has gotten to the point that I find myself just not wanting to jump into the discussion, because I feel like that it’s more about who is right , than understanding and being understood.
I’d love to hear any advice or habits that helped you become a clearer communicator. Book recommendations are also welcome.
Lemmy doens’t have Social Skills community(that i can find) or anything so sorry for posting this in AskLemmy.
Reflections so far:
Be curious. Socratic method; phrase your statements as questions. It helps soften your dialogue quite a bit and makes the conversation a quest for discovery.
Try to formulate things simple. The simpler u can explain something, the better u understand it and the less words to be confused about for both parties.
Rhetorical Triangle: Ethos, Pathos and Logos
Write more. It forces u to think critical about things. And gives u the opportunity to reflect on your own opinions.
Don’t take yourself, or other people too serious.
Use the Socratic method; phrase your statements as questions.
It helps soften your dialogue quite a bit and makes the conversation a quest for discovery.
Good one, thanks for the input. I guess it comes down to being more zen, take more time to listen and formulate? And even not going into the discussion if u don’t understand it clearly
Socrates knew that he knew nothing. That’s the gist of the method, to be curious. And if an argument is invalid, that will eventually become apparent
It also depends on whether it’s real life or online. Online especially, it’s harder to tell if they’re discussing with you in good faith or they’re trolling you (depending on the topic, of course). If it’s not good faith, leave a clarifying comment and leave.
Don’t be afraid of getting it wrong or misunderstanding someone. That’s exactly why there is a discussion. Just admit it, take the loss, and learn from it.
Online I find myself misunderstanding the other person way too often. Guess that’s the nature of plain text without physical cues.
IRL I might just have an unorthodox, even ignorant, way of looking at things. Which often leads me to be in the minority opposition. So yeah, wouldn’t hurt to be a better communicator lol
Or you might be smarter than them on that topic too. Imagine that first guy making a working machine that can read your mind for video games (I have articles that can explain that, but I can’t search for them now). Maybe don’t look at it as wrong vs right or ignorant vs knowledgeable, but look at it as a 2 way learning process.
Yes, listening and formulate a question response. Like other commenter said, approach conversations with curiosity. I’ll also add that approaching them as something fun will also help. You could also try arguing just for fun.
I might take a silly position just to have a fun discussion on it. For example: ensalda caprese is a fruit and cheese salad.