“Your honor, the defense submits into evidence Exhibit C, a bag of googly eyes from JoAnn Fabrics.”
“Objection! I fail to see how this is relevant.”
Gestures at evidence while Patel in background is seen with nearly identically googly eyes
Judge (looks at Patel, one beat): “Overruled. Defense, continue.”
“Defense also submits Exhibit D, a t-shirt with the graphic text in glittery pink stating ‘Putin’s Little Kremlin Bitch’, recovered from Plaintiff’s home.”
Judge: “While we’re submitting evidence, do you have any exhibits pertaining to the claims that Director Patel is a, quote, (reading from a paper) ‘weaselly little ass-goblin’, a ‘mushroom-licking megachode’, a ‘fat-faced, pencil-necked suckup’, or a (adjusts glasses, clears throat) ‘sniveling, attention-whoring, brown-nosing, goose-stepping, gold-digging, unqualified, untalented, unattractive, unappealing, whiny, [30-second long censorship bleep]-gargling chud’?”
Defense lawyer waves at courtroom doors, which burst open with clerks pushing several wheeled carts of paraphernalia
Patel’s lawyer whips his head around to glare at Patel, who shrugs sheepishly, then turns to the judge.
“Your honor, Plaintiff would like to settle.”
Judge: “Defense?”
“Oh hell no, this is too awesome. Defense would urge the Plaintiff to check Instagram for my client’s latest if he’d like to sue us again. We’re free next week.”
I really would love to see a skit based on this.
“Your honor, the defense submits into evidence Exhibit C, a bag of googly eyes from JoAnn Fabrics.”
“Objection! I fail to see how this is relevant.” Gestures at evidence while Patel in background is seen with nearly identically googly eyes
Judge (looks at Patel, one beat): “Overruled. Defense, continue.”
“Defense also submits Exhibit D, a t-shirt with the graphic text in glittery pink stating ‘Putin’s Little Kremlin Bitch’, recovered from Plaintiff’s home.”
Judge: “While we’re submitting evidence, do you have any exhibits pertaining to the claims that Director Patel is a, quote, (reading from a paper) ‘weaselly little ass-goblin’, a ‘mushroom-licking megachode’, a ‘fat-faced, pencil-necked suckup’, or a (adjusts glasses, clears throat) ‘sniveling, attention-whoring, brown-nosing, goose-stepping, gold-digging, unqualified, untalented, unattractive, unappealing, whiny, [30-second long censorship bleep]-gargling chud’?”
Defense lawyer waves at courtroom doors, which burst open with clerks pushing several wheeled carts of paraphernalia
Patel’s lawyer whips his head around to glare at Patel, who shrugs sheepishly, then turns to the judge.
“Your honor, Plaintiff would like to settle.”
Judge: “Defense?”
“Oh hell no, this is too awesome. Defense would urge the Plaintiff to check Instagram for my client’s latest if he’d like to sue us again. We’re free next week.”