In therapy I learned to assign the voices in my head to 4 different types of “people”: a sad child (fostering all those hurting emotions like sadness and loneliness), a happy child (that makes me feel bliss if I let it), a demanding / mean adult (the source of the negative self talk) and a friendly balanced one (the one who should actually do the talking).
Then I realized that most of the time the demanding and mean part is talking, telling me I’m not doing enough and people can’t like me the way I am. So we started working on trying to mute this part and giving a voice to the others.
E.g. the friendly / balanced adult it talking to me the way I try to talk to friends when they are not good.
Or when I’m sad I assign this feeling to the child and try to handle it the way I would handle a sad child and not how I handled myself in the past (it’s not that bad, others can handle it too, stop being so pathetic…).
It’s a lot of listening and questioning your negative self talk. To get started with this it helps to have an outsider you can talk about your negative self talk with, so they can help you build that positive voice in your head. Sometimes my therapist just said stuff like “that’s just plain wrong” (like when I told her that I’m at a better place in my life than the rest of my family is just pure luck and I felt bad for not actually deserving to have a better life) when I told her about my thoughts and it helped a lot.
I already gave a general description. Can you ask a bit more specific based on my previous comments content?