Did any of you grow up in a toxic or unstable home as a kid? How did you actually deal with it, or move past it?
Looking back, home wasn’t calm growing up. Constant fighting between my parents, things a kid shouldn’t really be exposed to. I don’t even fully know whose fault it is, honestly, and part of me hesitates to blame either of them completely, because I’ve also watched both of them work hard for me despite everything falling apart between them. That contradiction is confusing on its own, seeing people cause you pain and also genuinely try for you at the same time. I’ve started noticing it in myself now, more impatience than I think I should have, reacting harder to small things than the situation probably calls for. It’s like some of that environment got wired into me without me even realizing it until recently.
I’m not asking for sympathy, I’m asking because I know I’m not the only one who’s grown up like this, and I’d genuinely like to know how people actually worked through it, not just survived it, but actually became calmer, steadier versions of themselves afterward.
A few things I’m curious about:
Did you notice the effects on yourself right away, or did it take years to even recognize the pattern?
Was there a specific turning point, therapy, a relationship, distance from the situation, or was it more gradual than that?
Does it ever fully go away, or does it just become something you manage better over time?
Genuinely trying to understand this instead of just carrying it forward without realizing it. Appreciate any real experiences you’re willing to share.
[[[[Sometimes I catch myself wondering what it would’ve actually felt like to grow up in a genuinely happy, peaceful family. Hard to even imagine it sometimes, since it’s not something I ever really got to experience firsthand._]]]]
I don’t think anyone has a perfect childhood. Anyway, mine’s was pretty bad in my opinion (my mom was an alcoholic, aggressive type, and my dad was addict to casinos and shit).
I think that when I was growing I knew something was bad, like, I had to help my mom to walk, or we had a lot of money and then nothing. They even did coke and shit “hiding” from me but… You know, kids are not stupid. When it got really bad, I knew I would never be “normal”, I had anxiety and panic attacks every day, I couldn’t attend school and I tried to stop my life.
Now I live w my girlfriend, and I noticed some patterns, I know I have to be far away from drugs (I tried them, tho) because I just feel I’m proned to be addicted really fast. I noticed myself sometimes thinking into just deal my problems w alcohol, even if I remind myself that’s not the way. I always feel like I have to earn love by doing something (chores, giving money, anything)…
So yeah, I think is going to be like this forever, but you can manage it, I went to therapy, and I have my ways to deal with it… So if everyone is a bad moment rn, don’t worry, you can do this, I’m sure, even if you aren’t.