I matched with a guy on a dating app, and we seemed to get along well from the chemistry and conversation down to humor. The first date was great and unlike others I’ve had, although I noticed he was very straightforward physically, kissing me several times. I’ve had to deal with guys with wrong intentions in the past so I was cautious and told him on our next date that I prefer to move more slowly after he was trying to cuddle a lot, smelling my hair, and kissing my neck - even though he stated that he is looking for a long-term relationship after getting to know people and seeing who is most compatible. He was strangely quiet and didn’t say much once I communicated that. Then he pulled back and seemed less interested when I asked if he was free to meet again, ghosted me for a few days, and then finally sent a transactional text saying he didn’t see long-term romantic potential and didn’t want to string me along. I felt so sad and confused at the sudden shift, and asked if we can have a call just to talk for a bit but he completely ghosted me again and removed his entire dating focus description (it was “Long-term relationship” at the time of our dates, previously “Long-term, open to short-term”, and was not publicly shared at all before that)
Should I follow up? There are some topics I thought may be good to clarify and address through a text message in case those were what turned him away or are areas he thought I could’ve done better. For example, he was patient with my response speed in our early conversations while I was especially busy and intermittent on the app. Also without being too specific, there was something he may have felt I should’ve done during our first date, but I saw it differently (relating to traditional chivalry), and maybe he feels like I should apologize for that. I really have no idea and feel like I didn’t get closure, but I also feel betrayed that he didn’t even think that I deserve one call. Is this a lost cause? What exactly happened, and was he ever intentional (he also had a few situationships recently)?
Any advice, help, or even just empathy would be appreciated!
I think the act of not accepting the phone call tells you everything about him. He isn’t interested in you for a reason he’s not proud of or he truly thinks nothing of you and is incredibly selfish. It’s normal to feel all of those ways about a perceived rejection, but in time you’ll easily see that anyone who sees no need to explain something about you to you is a crappy mate anyways.
Just my suspicion is that he was actively pursuing more than just you and your hesitency was making the completion of your summary difficult for him. This could be misogyny about a perceived imbalance in power dynamics, but just keep in mind, again, that someone who feels chivalry is an important 2 way street on a literal first date isn’t trying that hard. You will find guys far more there for you; in presence, respect, empathy, and patience.
The long term relationship switching to open to short sounds like he’s still tuning his wants and needs, and that’s personal to him. You’re only responsible for changing your bad decisions in the relationship, which honestly after 1 day there’s not much to analyze. Just be happy, as you will be eventually, that he didn’t waste more of your time in this earth hiding information from you the way he did by not accepting the call.