One time I boarded the wrong plane at the airport(at least I made it to the airport that time) and wound up in new york. Security was loose this was before 9/11 because I got to go up on the observation deck of the 9/11 building. I stayed at that godawful plaza hotel in manhattan because it was the first place I called that would take my credit card. I got a little turned around looking for the lobby and asked some fat fuck where the lobby was. When I say this fat fuck smelled like shit, I mean this fat fuck smelled like shit. Like he just finished a swimming tour of Willy Wonka’s Shit Factory. I would say he smelled like he was swimming in the East River but physical activity and him clearly did not cross paths. If you’ve ever seen a person who can ride a bike or walk a dog, this man was the opposite.

Anyways the fat sack of shit was quick to tell me he was the owner of the hotel and after ten minutes of him talking to himself about himself the directions he gave me to get to the lobby sent me to the nearest mcdonald’s. The bellhop kept asking me for gum and the concierge looked like somebody from Transylvania. The place was fucking weird and I wouldn’t say the owner is or was all that famous but I can say he was a huge fucking idiot who smelled like fresh warm shit.