Getting perma banned off tinder for using it to sell stuff. Met quite a few people, even one celebity.
What did you sell?
Stuff.
Edit: i guess its lemmy and its not like i havent been arrested before so its public knowledge kinda. I sold a bunch of drugs. Made a lot of money.
And what celebrity?
A music artist.
Edit: i lived in nashville. There were plenty of people around. But you dont snitch even if they were a huge bitch.
George Jones, got it.
In hindsight it was kinda funny. She was a bitch who‘s life revolved around acting like she’s upperclass. She was a saleswoman at a Mercedes dealership and got to drive one herself. The place I chose was not nice enough for her, which she constantly complained about and she laughed at me for taking the train and not owning a car at the time (this is Germany btw). When we left the restaurant and said goodbye, she asked me if I could help her build a website for free. I was like „Ummm no?“ and she just said „Typical men“.
I’ve been on this date dozens of times. Had many women ask me if I’m poor and become totally disgusted with me when is said I used to be as a child.
met a girl, lovely, funny, just a joy to be around. We dated for almost 3 years. Blissful and regular sexy fun times. Bought her the most beautiful engagement ring. I was going to propose on Christmas. In November of that year, she ghosts me. Blocks me on everything. Left town with her ex-husband and moved to the other side of the country. I was completely floored. Even her parents were like WTF?! So I haven’t dated in a while. I have no desire to start over again. Now it’s just me and my cat.
I had one move cross-country with me, then admit to cheating the whole time we were together, then disappear on my birthday, after which she apparently shaved her head and moved to Indonesia.
she was using you to get him back.
fwiw I had a similar experience, though only over 1 year, and she went back to her ex after she demanded I pay off her $100K in debts and I said no. And she threw flower pots at my head after i mentioned I knew she’d been seeing someone else…
she’s still on dating apps, I see her profile occasionally and she’s using photos from 10+ years ago.
We need a Tesseract list for crazy dates…
all that would do is further entrench traditional gender dynamics.
nobody would ever believe the lady I’m talking about is abusive and manipulative, because she is pretty and she knows who to manipulative people and play the part of sweet and innocent.
There is something like that for women talking about men they date. Groups for the other side though? Taken down immediatly.
sexism at it’s finest.
Both should be taken down though, people will abuse this in every way possible
Dodged a bullet? She could have ghosted you after the proposal for the sake reason.
Seems like person that really craves novelty because they uprooted their life spontaneously
People are weird and complex. For all you know, she had a mini stroke and that’s that.
It’s weird how these sorts of unknowns can haunt us for years. It’s like a math equation that we can’t solve but we must solve. An itch that we can’t itch. You’ll get it eventually. I had a really fucked up breakup when I was a teenager that bothered me all through my 20s. It wasn’t until I matured a ton that I figured out how messed up it was. It took my own growth of perspective to be able to look back and understand why I felt the way I did for so long and why it was so confusing. We’re just weird like that.
I hope you can find happiness 🫂
it’s funny (not haha funny) you should mention a stroke. I had thought of that honestly. She had a couple of concussions at her job. Once while we were dating, she was knocked out cold. I noticed a few changes after that but nothing that would make me think she would drop her whole life and just move one day without a word. Mostly just short term memory issues. The brain is a weird thing.
Strokes happen, and a lot more often than we know. Like it’s funny, but brain damage is well within the realm of possibility. It doesn’t change anything - or, I guess, I suppose it does change things, often permanently, so that might be one very real, very possible reason.
Probably not good to chalk it up to “my partner left me because they had a stroke”. I, personally, would say it’s healthiest to land on “there were differences between both of us that somehow disabled healthy communication” because that’s most often reality. That being said, until there’s a pattern and you still can’t tell what you may be doing, I wouldn’t worry too much about you doing something worth changing. If there is a pattern, however, that’s probably worth looking into.
I’ve dated people who have this pattern. It’s not really their fault. One person was neurodivergent (i am too) and I’m avoidant af. I basically lied and ghosted them for a few months, claiming needing space, which was true, but it helped me see the issues I had with their person, the incompatibilities that I couldn’t get over. They bothered me deeply, but I decided they were not something about them I could emotionally handle or would be in any way constructive to confront them over. To this day, I still feel horrible that I had to do that, but saw no other way out. I’d like to think I’ve matured since then and maybe could handle it better, but it hasn’t been that long since.
And eventually reconnected with them and apologized and we officially broke up. They weren’t happy, but thankful that I didn’t entirely ghost them. We’re still sort of friends but don’t talk much, and they seem to have found their people, which I’m really glad for.
This story is just one, very specific possibility. From what I’ve seen in my limited lifespan, it’s probably not the only kind of situation. I’m definitely at fault too.
Breaking up is hard. There isn’t a set way and a lot of people just don’t know how to do it. I don’t have great advice for you, but I still think empathy is the way forward for us all, including for yourself.
Good thoughts, well said.
Haha well not so bad but some years ago I had a funny one.
Met an american girl (24) on tinder who was here for university. Chat went well for about a week and then we made plans to meet up. She is new to the city and asks me to “pick her up” at her place so we can take public trans together.
The first thing I notice when I see her is she has crazy bulging eyes. Like in a movie!
I’m a chill guy so I’m not going to let that stop me and I take her to cafe I like. We sit down, I order a beer and she orders a cola and some starters. The she tells me she has never tired beer or any alcohol and asks if she can try my beer. I say ok and she takes a sip and makes a crazy face and spits it out onto the floor and makes a huge fuss about how gross is it and how can anyone drink that.
I didn’t know what do say so I played it cool and changed the subject to movies. We had a nice chat and nice meal and split the bill nicely. I saw her back to her place and dropped her off. She gave me a firm handshake goodbye and I figured that was the end of that.
3 weeks later I hanging out with friends and one of the guys says “hey are you dating a girl named Sarah Jones (name changed)? She’s in my class and she’s mad at you!” It took me a min to realize who he even meant. Sarah has telling him “we had a good thing going” and she doesn’t understand why she hasn’t heard from me and is waiting for me.
Then the next time I went to the cafe where I took Sarah they told me she had been back every night for a week after our date looking for me even though she never contacted me! WTF Sarah?!
My best dating app experience was my first app date, which was with the person I’ve very happily been with for ten years now.
My worst dating app experience was my second app date, which was just meh and boring and showed me they wouldn’t all be as awesome as the first one, and I went back to dating the first one.
Assault. Does this question ever wind up with answers that don’t hit the bottom?
Despite the normal safety measures + an intentional lack of flirting when the vibes weren’t there, public space, no booze on first meeting, split the check so there are no “implications”, no physical contact. Dude didn’t like hearing no as I wanted to head to my car and leave. Fortunately, it was in public and he tried to keep it low-key but I had deep bruises on my arm for a while.
I guess that’s why people do virtual dates after marching. Idk I never got that far.
Worst thing you’ll experience is a man jorking it.
Sorry you got the aggressive and desperate weirdo
Met with a girl for dinner after talking for a week or so on tinder. We pretty much agreed if the date went well we would go back to my place and fuck. We both were recently tested for STDs and she was on the stick in the arm BC. She was kinky and into a lot of the same things I was. Date went well so we spent the night together. She calls me a couple days later and tells me she’s sorry but she has/had gonorrhea. As well as that when told me she had been tested recently, she had, she just hadn’t gotten the results yet. The sex was unprotected and I was pissed. I told her it was clearly deceptive and I wasn’t interested in talking to her anymore. She was angry, urged me to reconsider and argued it’s not a big deal. I said regardless of the fact its a quick cure with antibiotics the initial deception completely soured me. She then went on a rant about how the sex wasn’t even that good because I wouldn’t punch her during. Tune quickly changed to I’m the bad guy/bad lay and she wants nothing to do with me. Blocked but not forgotten.
Wow, that sucks … also, I’ve had two counts of being criticised for refusing to punch someone in the face.
I do not get that at all, and it really seems like fuel for making assault allegations after the fact :-/
I once had a girlfriend punch me in the face, and then blame me for the finger she broke doing so.
Yeah, I don’t mind being rough but literally punching is a hard line for me. I’m also really big so it feels extra dangerous.
Oh yeah, if you’re big you could put someone in hospital with that :-(
YIKES.
Hopefully the gon didn’t happen or is gone. People like that are shitty and fast. Don’t stand for it. It’s unfortunately all too common.
Didn’t happen but I saw my doctor and got a course of antibiotics that week anyway.
I don’t know dude. You had unprotected sex with a stranger from the Internet and got a treatable STI. That seems like a potential outcome going into it
I agree, do you think I should have kept talking to her though? I was more bothered by the fact she told me she was recently tested and was clean. Then finding out she was tested but the results weren’t in yet.
Lmao absolutely not. Move on. People that lie aren’t worth the stress.
Also, you have to wonder what else they’ll lie about for sex. Good way to catch something more serious, or become a parent. Not worth the risk, regardless of gender. Better rub one out and move on than ruin your life.
Self iduced moment of clarity in order to gtfo
Really up to you. Likely not because of the honesty but up to you.
TW: Assault / Abuse
Dated for six weeks and when I tried to leave the relationship she physically restrained me (I was at her place), I didn’t want to hurt her so I spent the next hour or so talking my way out of it. Later that night she got drunk, came around to my place, yelled outside for a bit and then broke in. That’s the short version at least, my experiences were actually really positive after that though.
is it just me or are people getting chained up by romantic partners even more than they did in the past
I think it’s more acceptable to talk about it, particularly for men. I suspect the actual number has gone down, due to awareness, but can’t back that up with research.
She didn’t chain me up luckily just grabbed onto me and refused to let go.
You guys were getting dates?
all the time.
have you tried being attractive?
When you work on getting them, you’ll get them
When you work on keeping them, you’ll keep them
Like anything ijnlife, relations require time and mind investments
I’m a cis het white guy, so luckily I didn’t have to suffer any abuse. The “worst” was just not getting a reply. ¯\(ツ)/¯
The worst date I went on was with this girl in a wheelchair. I knew her before from kinky events and was fascinated by her artistic and kinky mind and how she combined that with her disability. So I was pleasantly surprised when we matched so we decided to go on a date in a bondage club.
Tying someone up or getting tied up is usually a quick and easy way to find what chemistry exists between two people. For us it was none. Absolutely nothing. I felt nothing and she probably as well because she was mostly on her phone when we weren’t tying.
We are still on friendly terms. But I think I’m pretty lucky that this is the worst I can come up with.
Once had a man that myself and my partner matched with for a potential threesome. The guy was more interested in me than my partner, which almost immediately ruled out any possibility of hooking up with him, but we were giving him some time before deciding if it was a complete no-go.
One evening after we had been chatting for a few days, he mentioned to me he was pretty sure which apartment building I lived in and he was in the neighborhood. He wanted to stop by.
I never told him where I lived and had never had him over before.
Fucking hell, that made me immediately block him everywhere and be a bit more aware of where my keys were while walking home for a while.
I had the most boring date of my life.
He was like a black hole of intellect, no curiosity, no questions, no flirting … he followed me through a museum and dinner in the hopes of me putting out in a vanilla manner, and then whined like a kid when I politely cut him loose.
Lmao… the last guy I dated a couple years ago, apparently I impressed him by disdainfully talking about the nature of god on our first date. I guess his previous experiences were all like yours.
And to be fair, it is actually really refreshing to find people you can actually talk with.
Ooh, theology on the first date … yeah, that would be a million times better (assuming they weren’t super religious)
Yeah religion is basically a hard no for me. I like thinking.
I always thought it would be fun to date a pagan of the right variety - set fire to things in the house, go dance naked in the woods, that sort of thing. I quite enjoy folk music sometimes :-)
A few years ago I finally looked up what “pagan” even was…
It’s just what christians call non-christians.
OK, more specifically something like neo Druidism, then.
I thought I got my point across.
Oh yeah you did, sorry, just an interesting tidbit on terminology
Not a single experience but in general all the ghosting and effort that went into nothing. I texted with so many people, yet all of it felt like the same. After a few days 90% of them stopped replying, and the other 10%, well, either I didn’t want to text with them anymore (but then I told them that!) or something else came in between. I ended up meeting two people. One of them disappeared after two dates and the other, well, we both agreed that it won’t work between us. I just feel like there are very few people that are compatible with me on there. And then, my ex, who I am still not over heard that I’m on a dating Plattform and i heard that she knew. That was the end of it for me. I felt terrible for a day. But that’s half a year ago now, maybe I’ll try it again.
Oh my dog yes, having to try and carry every fucking conversation and then just be ignored.
I gave up, and met my wife IRL in a hobby group.
Exactly! May I ask, what hobby group was that? Currently thinking about going back to an app but I really don’t want to…
I … don’t want to dox myself so I’ll just say it was a gentle sporting activity that’s very social.
I wasn’t there for dating, it gave us a chance to interact with zero pressure or expectations :-)
I didn’t know orgies are hobbies now.
Hard to believe, but I do activities that aren’t centered around sex. Sometimes.
Flyfishing sexy time
The lesser known second work of J. R. Hartley?
Inconceivable!
It’s really easy to feed into the rage bait here. So I’ll try to be brief.
There’s an app called Hinge, and their whole premise was women are required to message first. The root issue they were trying to solve was that on dating apps, men were 90% of the ones who started a convo, and women would get bombarded with hundreds of messages. So this was to flip the script.
Well, it turns out a vast majority of women (and honestly, men too.) really suck at openers.
So you had a bunch of women going, “Hey” as their opening line to flirt with a potential match. And then we were back at the same problem.
I believe the app you’re referring to is Bumble. Hinge is nice because you can send a message to a potential match that they can see before they swipe on you. It’s how I met my wife!
You’re right! I got my many many many many dating app names confused!
there are like three . hinge bumble and tinder.
that’s it. there are no other culturally relevant ones.
I’d argue Grindr is up there in cultural relevance
the straights are the sad desperate type who can’t pair up anymore.
the gays are doing just fine.
You’re forgetting Plenty of Fish, Badoo, and Match.com, where all the rejects, toxic people, single parents of four children, and other various degenerates and undesirables go after striking out with everyone on the big three.
Often overlooked, but very relevant.
There’s also the various niche sites like Christian Mingle, Black People Meet, and Farmers Only.
none of those have been relevant for well over a decade .
like, yeah in 2012 they were a thing. just like match.com and okcupid were in the 2000s. the userbases all collapsed once smart phone and social media became dominant.
most folks have moved on from that ancient stuff. even tinder is basically a relic these days.
The dreaded ‘Hey’. ‘Hey’ should be illegal
Hay.
women love to complain about guys messages, and then on hinge they’ll do shit like “like” a picture of yours as an opening. 🙄 Gee thanks, I guess I’ll just write the first message then.
Also, whenever a woman gives a single word answer, with no elaboration, I always right back “k” and end it. If you don’t know how to hold a conversation, you’re a waste of time.
Omg! Is THAT why nobody’s messaging me? Ahh… Damn.
Edit: well… Poop.
Edit2: well shit I was thinking about feeld anyway. Too many of these apps.
It’s between going out with a heroin drug dealer or heroin drug user. Most depressing things ever.
Made me think of divorce lawyer with several lambos and a trophy wife. He don’t sell heroin but he will help end your marriage all the same.
Also it would be funny that he would know how to have a healthy relationship
