This question might be too abstract. But it seems like people look for different aspects in romantic relationships. There are the ones that are drawn to opposite traits, ones seeking excitement, ones that wish for a stable anchor in their life, etc. And most of this happens subconsciously – or it does not. Maybe you have a different approach to love. Tell me about it.
My take specifically?
I think romantic love is hugely over valued in modern western society (and western media then influences globally so this has become the dominant mainstream outlook).
There’s far less value in love for parents, kids, friends, etc. So much is expected of a romantic partner to “be all things”. Lover, best friend, therapist, life coach, professional support. The fulfillment people used to get from extended families, local communities, religious group, work socialising, etc have all fallen away and all of this falls on their romantic partner now. I wonder if this is contributing to the high divorce and separation rates.
Romantic love is great and I don’t mean to say that nothing should be expected of it; but they Disney parody of love is madness. The performative nature that social media has added is even more insane.
I enjoy some analysis of relationships on a couple of channels in my media feed. “School of Life” and “Cinema Therapy” (both on YouTube) are particularly good. The idea of coming together as 2 highly flawed individuals with all our human failings (as we all are), and supporting and forgiving each other through that, yet having realistic expectations of what to ask if a relationship. No Disney fantasies, no performative bullshit, no trad-life bullshit.
divorce and separation are going down.
but so is marriage and relationships.
the stats are basically, if you are educated and wealthy, you are likely to be in a stable relationship and it is likely to not result in divorce.
if you are not, you are not likely to be in a stable relationship, and you are more likely to divorce if you are married.
marriage and relationships very much parallel the K shaped economy. a huge component of your desirability and romantic stability is your economic security.
also why so many young folks are failing to couple up, because they can’t get economic security necessary for their relations to be stable.
even in my own dating pool of highly educated wealth folks… many single folks are razor focused on economics first and foremost, and will not consider a relationship unless you are in a top 5% economic position, which of course means they have very few people they could/will date. I meet many folks who make 200K+ a year who feel financial unstable and are very vocal about their need to have a partner to stabilize their finances for them.